He is an equal opportunity slut.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
