Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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