just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
