No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
