There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
