Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
