1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
