Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
