Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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