I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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