I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
