i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize