After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
