..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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