just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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