Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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