drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
