I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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