just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
