I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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