I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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