She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
