i can't believe i had my finger in that
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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