I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
