you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
