Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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