i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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