I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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