Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
