i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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