I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
