dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
