I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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