I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
