Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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