Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The best revenge is premature balding
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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