we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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