That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
