I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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