There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
