He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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