Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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