Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
