hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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