It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
