You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
