I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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