i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
