Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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