Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
