The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
