im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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