Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
