he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
