I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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