if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
