I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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