i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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