I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
