PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
