you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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