I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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