Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
