Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
