I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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