You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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