I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
