If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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